Mind space - Mapping memories of the conscious mind.

I started learning yoga at a very young age. My first exposure was in the third or fourth standard/grade in school. At that time, I was not very keen and was more inclined to observe the martial art class of Kalari that took place in the next room. I was keen to join the Kalari class and the teacher was kind enough to teach me a few lessons. I think he knew I would drop the idea after a few lessons. How right he was.

Anyway time progressed and I think I was eleven or twelve, my brother and I were sent to Sivananda Yoga Ashram near Neyyar Dam, Thiruvananthapuram for a month. My parents thought it would be a good way to spend our summer holidays and yoga would help in our development. The first few days at the ashram I was miserable. I missed my parents and my home. By the end of the first week, I was home sick and just wanted to get back home. 

I remember there were two teachers who helped me through - one was a swami and the other was a sanyasini who was content to live her life on the ashram and was a nurse. I remember sitting with the swami as he patiently listened to my logic and reasoning of going back home. I remember the nurse lovingly taking care of me for a couple of days until my fever broke. Well, kids are resilient and thanks to the TLC, I was back on my feet and no longer home sick. 

I started to enjoy the morning yoga practice, meditations, classes, the discourses, the simplicity of meals, the weekly treasure hunts and play time in the evenings. I was very sad to leave the ashram. I made many friends, sadly, now long forgotten.

Anyway, after returning from the ashram, we practised yoga for sometime, but quickly let it drop. As I got older, I developed many interests, hobbies, habits - not all of them good. Time rolled on. I was very sporadic in my practice of yoga. One day I would get into the Josh (excitement) and start doing yoga but quickly let it drop after a week or so.

The longest I ever held on was in my 20s, I practiced yoga diligently for about 8 months when I first quit smoking, but that story is for another time.

Fast forward a decade, again, yoga was very sporadic and somewhere along the way, I picked up Running and Raj yoga. Running was liberating, a game changer for me and Raj yoga was so darn difficult, no prizes for guessing which I retained. 

My relationship with yoga did not end there. Last year was one of the hottest in Chennai and I started to feel all heated up past 5km on most days. I felt I needed to make a change and so re-started my yoga practice. I was apprehensive as I did not want to injure myself, hence, took it slow and easy. But I was getting frustrated; I just could not go more than 30 minutes with my practice. Sometimes, I felt great resistance and when ever I felt this resistance, I pushed my self harder, sadly to poor results. 

One day, while in Tadasana, I learnt the first lesson - Listen. I started to listen to my breath, my body movements to understand where I can reach further and where is the point of resistance. I listened my heart telling me to be patient. That day, I broke 30 minutes and did yoga for 45 minutes  

As time progressed, I was getting better, but I felt I had a lot of room for improvement. And as if on cue, while in Padahastasana, my heart told me to stop pushing and Surrender. Once I did this, I felt the resistance slowly give way and my body responded with holding the asanas for longer duration. I felt my breathing set into a rthym as I continued my practice with other asanas. 

Fast forward to 2020 and the lockdown in March. I was determined not to become sedentary and kept up with my yoga practice. To ensure I did not drop the ball, I woke up everyday at 430am and practiced yoga. 

Time for the third lesson. One fine day while in Tuladandasana my heart told me that after surrender comes Freedom. A freedom to release the past, a freedom to embrace the present  and welcome the future. 

I started to feel more in tune with myself, my breath was more conscious than on auto pilot.

I realised all these months, I did not need any music to help with my focus. Just being attentive to my breath and observing what my body was telling me through my practice of asanas was enough to help me maintain focus.

My stamina has improved, my sessions now last upto 75 minutes, but I try to be regular and keep it to 60 minutes, consistency being the key.

Are there more lessons to learn from the practice of yoga? I am sure there are and I have just started to unwrap them. 

Mapping these memories on this journey of my mind would not have been possible without Yoga and I am grateful for this gift.